Musing on Korea I

Instead of bore you with my inadequate attempts to control high school students, I've decided to start a series of mini posts on life in Korea, anecdotes on the plus and minuses, ups and downs, and unfiltered observations of a strange and foreign world. With respect to any current or future cultural comments, I mean no criticism, only observation.

- People stare at you. This is clearly not the case in Seoul, far more urban and worldly than the rest of Korea. But in Mokpo or any other provincial city, Koreans stare are you like you're going to eat their kids or cop a feel as soon as they look away. I can't ever tell if I've made their day or ruined it by invading their cultural homogeneity--but the sight of dirty blonde hair, blue eyes and light skin indubitably causes instant optical paralysis in about 25% of the population. Let me clarify though, I don't think this is rude on there part. I suppose the pilgrims looked a bit strange to the Wampanoags in 1621 (Thank you Thanksgiving lesson...). Though if there is one thing I've gained from this experience-it's that Americans should enjoy cultural pluralism. Be proud of the Thai restaurant down the street and (for most people) the feeling that we're all *the same.* Because here in Korea, I am not the same. And there's no Thai in Mokpo.

- This one is less cultural and more familial: I am afraid to use the toilet in this apartment. No, it's clean-and the one attached to the parental suite is just fine-but the communal bathroom toilet in this apartment clogs before I even get the urge to use it. One time I looked at it funny and it overflowed. Pon Kil (Host Dad) pumps and snakes the thing at least once every day or so, but that just puts us back at square one. My host mom thinks the kids got one of their toys stuck up in their, I prefer to think think someone re-routed the pipe into a brick wall.

- Living with small children--something I never did until now (Thank you Mom and Dad!)--they love to touch, lick, and sneeze on everything in the household. I'll just go ahead and point out that Korea is a very communal culture, meaning we all eat out of the same dishes, often share the same glasses, etc. Hence shared germs are a way of life. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate these kids (they're far better than most to be honest), but they do drive me up the wall on a regular basis--and for the simple fact that they're kids (another post, another time). But when one kid gets sick, you can pretty much start the countdown until everyone else is: because coughing and hacking sans barrier is a way of life. When there's a hunk of meat on the table, I'll grab my chunk and hoard it like a starving hyena just before multifold chopsticks bear down into the rest. When there's fresh greens on the table, grab yourself one or two before little fingers go searching and discarding through every piece until they find the perfect one down on the bottom. What can I say when an 8 year old sticks his tongue in a communal dipping sauce? These observations are not uniquely Korean, I understand. But they're still unique to me. Remember those Superbowl commercials where the guy at work is surrounded by a bunch of deranged monkeys? That's pretty how I feel at home--except they prefer to sing and dance, touch, and jump head first into the wall instead of pound on keyboards in the office.

I'm Still Alive

Since Korea is making all the headlines back home, I figure it's worth a post to explain what life is actually like on this side of the pond. In a nutshell, nothing's changed. Like a fistful of irony, I didn't find out what was going on between North and South Korea until I logged into nytimes.com and, lo and behold, my little corner of the Earth is front and center in a cloud of smoke. To be honest, I can't actually say whether this because a) no one is talking about it over hear or b) no one felt like talking about it with me. I think it's a mix of the two.

As far as I can tell, these skirmishes have been going on between the two sides intermittently for the past 50 years. I don't want to belittle the events, there were death's on Yeonpyeong Island, but these flare ups have gone on for so long that Koreans are largely desensitized from any serious emotion. Yes, of course it's on the news--and it's probably a welcome respite from 24 hour kimchi jiggae documentaries, despite the inherently morose nature of the proceedings--but that doesn't mean the whole country comes to a halt and climbs under their chairs. On the rare occasion that I talk to Koreans about they're neighbor to the North, the feeling is more of embarrassment than serious anger or anxiety. It's like your crazy uncle who keeps embarrassing the family name in the news, maybe he killed somebody, what can you say?Is your life suddenly screwed forever? Except for many people in South Korea, they do have uncles up North. And even if they don't know them anymore, this is one homogenous race that shares the same history and culture. Sure, some people are scared that war will break out--but eventually you stop being surprised and start expecting these events, even if you're scared to death that some day it'll hit close to home.

Long story short, I think this is bigger news in America than it is in Korea. If only because American media is so much more sensationalist than their counterparts over here. So maybe I should just say "news" instead of news, but most Koreans here seem to take it in stride, absorb the details, and get one with their lives. I mean, someone's got to keep this Asian Tiger chugging. Let's not forget, though, that South Korea's war is America's war by default. So even if we're not "one people," I guess we definitely have in interest in what's going on over here. And to allay any fears, I would like to tell everyone that I, and everyone else outside of one unfortunate island, am OK. In the event that anything were to happen, being a part of the FB family puts me in first contact with the U.S. embassy, and we have a staff working full time to look out for our best interests--whether that means evacuating us on a moments notice or answering our mundane questions about life in Korea and how to figure our internet banking. Even if I shouldn't, I feel pretty safe over here. The odds say I'm far more likely to get murdered by a crazy-man back home than I am by a North Korean--I guess it's just the proximity that makes you think twice.

What's on the Mind of a Korean High Schooler?

More specific: what's on the mind of a mildly motivated high schooler at Jungang High School. After a whole lot of cheap anecdotes and back handed complaints, I thought I'd finally give you a glimpse these hellions.

I gave a G20 Summit lesson (thanks to Teacher Jim) to all my students this week. In case you missed it, the G20 was in Seoul on the 11-12th of November, so in some form or another it was a "big deal" here in Korea. They had bilboards, advertisements, and commercials all about Korea and her *coming out party.* Still, I guess I'm not surprised how many students didn't have a clue about the event...at least my students anyway. After peppering in a few music videos and YouTube caricature sequences to hold their attention, I covered basic vocabulary like "leader" or "summit meeting" (I guess summit really isn't that basic, but oh well) and then run through all the who, what, when, where, and why's of the event. Despite the lack of awareness on behalf of most of the kids, I was consistently shocked at how many country's flags they're familiar with. In the middle of the lesson I ran through all 20 (see, 20 countries, G20). They consistently knew Australia, Saudi Arabia, India, France, Italy, Argentina, Brazil, South Africa, Russia, etc. All in all, I think they did better than the average American student, as the only one that really tripped them up was Indonesia--and even that came up about half the time. Part of this might be due to soccer fandom, the world cup, since it was the boys who usually knew the hard ones (On the whole, the few girls in my classes come off a little brighter).

Anyway, what I really wanted to mention was the grand finale, in which I had them write a "request" to one of the G20 presidents. After covering, or attempting to cover, the idea and vocabulary behind a request, I gave them about 20 minutes to think, scratch, and bang they're heads against the wall and write a request. This wasn't a free writing exercise however, that would hit a brick wall in my classroom. Up on the project were the words: "I would like to ask the president of _______ to please __________because _________," along with a list of 20 countries. Three blanks, easy enough, right? To put things in perspective, I would say only about 2/3 of the students wrote anything at all--despite poking and prodding by myself and co-teacher. And about half of those only wrote down what was on the projector. It goes without saying that those who finished the single sentence were my better students--many of which were helped through by myself or Lee Teacher and consulted a dictionary of some sort. Anyway, here's what Korean students think about politics:

- I want to ask the president of Saudi Arabia to please oil because are country need the nature gas
- I want to ask the president of U.S. to please gun because our country need the killing weapon
- I want to ask the president of United States to please Brazil because aze sick people (I think he meant AIDS here)
- I want to ask the president of Korea to please you die because I hate you (about 10 more just like this one)
- I want to ask the president of South Korea to please cow import because it's not good for our health
- I want to ask the president of United States to please help we are country Korea because verey poor
- I want to ask the president of South Korea to please make some way to enter the univercity because entering the univercity is harod
- I want to ask the president of South Korea to please make a baseball times and ground because I like play baseball
- I want to ask the president of South Korea to please stop teaching English because English is very hard
- I want to ask the president of France to please give back to Korea because is our traditional book (???)
- I want to ask the president of Rusia to please war because bad man Japan
- I want to ask the president of China to please plan trees because a desert yellow sand
- I want to ask the president of Canada to please I'd like to see a musical because lovely
- South Korea stop talking your talking is very boring and stupid people
- I want to ask the president of Argentina to please help me because sexy girl
- I want to ask the president of to please population move because my country has a small population
- I want to ask the president of India to please stop movie musical because movie time is long
- I want to ask the president of Korea to please make student special rules because all student want freedom
- I want to ask the president of USA to please Korea president kill because he is bad and have no determination
- I want to ask the president of Saudi Arabia to please give oil because very very money

- I want to ask the president of France to please make breads for me because I'm very hungry
- I want to ask the president of India to please make curry for me because I like curry and hungry
- I want to ask the president of Japan to please people because Japan people my style
- I want to ask the president of China to please not making china goods because I want my korea goods
- I want to ask the president of all country to please nothing because I'm happy
- I want to ask the president of Japan to please shot up because I Don't like Janpen
- I want to ask the president of Germany to please do not make beer because I don't drink (My least favorite)
- I want to ask the president of China to please do not fight the Japan because China e Japan's economy is to down
- I want to ask the president of China to please no dirty food because food eating body sick
- I want to ask the president of Japan to please more fast many X dult video because im very super like it
- I want to ask the president of Korea to please promote social welfare because there is no remedy for poverty
- I want to ask the president of Japan to please don't say that everything in dokdo are yours because those things are ours

And the kicker:

- I want to ask the president of South Korea to please don't making condom because I like natural

*No further comment necessary...though that last one was a girl.

Fall is here.

It took a little longer than expected, but autumn is in full swing in the southern reaches of Korea. The wintry winds are blowing in, the leaves are ablaze, and my nose refuses to stop running. Most of the time my internal V-8 keeps me chugging on cold mornings, but it's also nice to wake up to heated ondol floors--one of the many mysterious luxuries in Korea, perpetuated in modern buildings with or without historical context.

As for heating though, I recently explored another of the strange and wonderful Korean saunas. On Saturday I headed up to Daejeon to give D. Chang a visit--though with the explicit intention of visiting a sutkam (숮감) sauna in the middle of bumble@#%$ nowhere outside of the city. I took the trip with his host family Saturday night, winding down some one-lane roads in the mysterious dark abyss. There was only one wiggly line left on the otherwise pitch black GPS, leading down to a strange little restaurant sauna in the rural hills. No hottub at this one, only hot air. You get dressed up in the typical light blue nut-house gard and proceed out into the cold starlit air, from which you can choose from a few different little huts covered in big thick fire blankets.

The story behind all this is actually fairly interesting, so I might as well explain it. There's a calbi restaurant attached to the main building, and the meat is always cooked over a distinct pine species at just the right temperature. 숮감, literally charcoal, refers to the wood itself, which they burn slowly over the the coarse of a week or so. Every couple days they move the wood to a new room--and each of these little rooms heats a different sauna, consequently a unique temperature depending on the age of the wood. Well, I'll just start by saying that one of these rooms will burn you in places you didn't know existed. I'm sure the old, thick skinned ajummas (old ladies) take it in stride, but I was about to pass out after thirty seconds or so. The hot air alone left light burns on my arm, not to mention my putzing around with the blanket on my way in and out. Chang and I settled for the next room, plenty hot and not quite so excruciating. They idea with these sauna (and I guess, with any sauna) is to sweat.
And sweat I did. Rotating between the sultry sauna and nipply cold air for a couple hours I looked, and smelled, like a skanky wet dog. The kicker: you're not supposed to shower--it ruins the, well, I actually have no idea what it ruins, but rules are rules. When I did shower, however, I felt about as fresh as the day I was born. My skin, to my delight, was nice and soft. To be honest though, I don't know if it was actually soft, or just the relative feeling post-disgusting. What difference does it make?

I'll also spend a little time describing this past Tuesday's field trip--one because that's where the latest pictures came from and two, the hilarity of seeing grown men (teachers) going through a role reversal of sorts. I had Tuesday off this week for an open house for middle schoolers and their parents. This was only in the morning though, and during the afternoon I got to tag along on the latest social debacle commonly known as a teachers field trip. Most of the teachers at my school are getting a little long in the tooth, or at least firmly situated in the middle of their careers--but once they step out of the school doors and onto a tour bus, all hell breaks loose. Picture previously stern and learned instructors walking up and down the aisles of the bus throwing out beer and snacks and having a ball. The start and end of the trip including restaurant meals, never complete without the bottomless glass of soju, but the focus of the day was actually a trip to Haenam (literally, "country"), one of the many temple sanctuaries currently ablaze in the glory of autumn. For me this was another chance to whip out the camera and catch the fall colors, but I didn't forget my friends at the trailside restaurants--having a ball with no students, good food, and local sweet potato makkeoli. Perhaps the most interesting part: 3 months in and I'm still indisputably a guest in this country. As such, all the teachers make it their personal endeavor to break bread (errrr, rice?) and share in a bottle of booze. These best part though, they always get drunk a whole lot easier than me, so I get treated to food and wine and social entertainment without feeling it the next morning. Maybe the foreigner *shine* will wear off some day. In the mean time, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Seoul City Birthday

One nice thing about living in a foreign country is you can always rationalize a protracted birthday. Let me explain. Korea's now 14 hours ahead of Ohio, which means my birthday starts 14 hours ahead over here. There's no reason not to celebrate it once it starts, and why quit at 12 pm here when my b-day is just getting started back home. I mean, that's technically when the sacred day is, since I was born under EST, but let's not obsess over the details. Just assume that my b-day lasts for 48 hours; only mine.

Regardless, this past weekend was a blast. Got to see Andrea on here first trip across the Yellow Sea and met another Athens native in the process. It's always satisfying talking about OU Halloween and students throwing other students out of windows when your half way across the world in a basement hookah bar in the 2nd* biggest city in the world. I must say though, Seoul does hookah well. The beer is a bit lacking, as you've heard me gripe, but they make up for it with solid shisha and sultry dancing groups. Anyway, the rest of the weekend did not disappoint either. Shout out to Jee for hooking us up with the pubs and chinese food. Last week I didn't know what the oldest Chinese restaurant in Korea was like, but I can sleep well now with my taste buds satisfied. Chinese food is a funny beast over here. The thing is I know it's different than the American version, I just don't know why.
Less sugar, sauces aren't as heavy I guess. I guess I just don't feel like a puddle of grease when I'm done eating. In other news though, I was walking around Hongdae on my way to a club and low and behold there's a massive black man strolling down alley with a throng of Koreans and rubbernecking and snapping pictures. , I don't mean large, or heavy, or tall--maybe gargantuan is a bit closer. Well, this 6' 5" behemoth turns out to be MMA heavyweight Bob Sapp doing who-the-hell-knows-what over here in Korea. I'm not one for celebrities and all the hubbub, but I do respect a physical spectacle now and again--so I took my picture and rambled off a happier man.

On one of the more educational moments over the weekend I took a tour around Yonsei University in Seoul--one of the "prestigious" three in Korea and apparently the prettiest. I might actually make a hobby out of college tours--I guess I'm somehow driven to college architecture and scenery; It doesn't hurt that I went to the prettiest* college in American (thanks Forbes). I mean, they put gobs of money into these places, so I guess the pseudo-advertising does its jobs. I didn't hurt that Seoul was right in the thick of Fall color over the weekend. The reds and yellows were striking. If I could cryogenically freeze myself, I would plan to wake up once a year for about doing weeks this time of year. Between the crisp northern breeze, the sharp blue skies and the blazing foliage--I could be a happy man just sitting back and taking it all in.

You wouldn't know it in Mokpo, but apparently the G20 Summit has got Seoul bumpin' right now. Just as I was leaving, the city was ramping up with concerts and festivals and anything you can imagine to make Korea look like another "city of the future" and ready to play with the big dogs. I guess riots are a big problem though, as with any G20, G8, or G6 1/2 Summit. I found out first hand when I was interrogated in the subway for five minutes--questioned about everything down to my skivvies. "Please show me your back Sir. No! Don't open your bag." All I have a chance to say is "what do you want me to do?" As I get: "what's in the bag? What are you doing here." Ironically, they threw so many questions at me that I didn't actually have time to answer a single one of them. I guess they got their satisfaction, and I found out what it's like to be racially profiled. Well, I'm not complaining, just stating. Keep in mind Korea is something like 1.5% foreign, a fraction of that white--so I can't really blame them when I stand out like an Asian at a Nascar race.

Well, that's enough for now, in a couple days I'm headed to Daejeon to get my spa on. Apparently the place is famous for some sort of pine needle rejuvenation. I mean, who doesn't like a solid coniferous exfoliation now and again?

Report from the Other Side

I don't know If I mentioned it earlier, but my co-teacher, my lifeline, my lone English-speaking savior at school got married this past month. That's wonderful of course, except that she married a man in Daegu (like 3-4 hours away...then again...everything is 3-4 hours away in Korea). Long story short, she put in her two week--or the Korean equivalent--and now I've got myself an new co-teacher. I will mis Cho Seonsangnim. She was young, small and soft spoken, but she didn't put up with shit in the classroom. My new co-teacher is the complete opposite...except that she's also young and soft spoken.

The new girl, Li Hyo Chan, is fresh out of college. Or, at least, she graduated this year--the same time as myself. She's been spending her off time studying for the national teacher exam which, so she says, she failed. Thus she applies for the job at good ol' Jungang High School (that actually doesn't say anything so bad about our school, just that we're a private institution, and teachers who either fail or don't take the national exam work for private schools. Just the facts). Anyway, this is her first job. EVER. As an aside, Korean kids--at least ones even moderately focused on education--never have jobs growing up. No bagging groceries. No bailing hay. No begging for spare change on the side of the street. Anyone slightly interested in college spends 18 hours a day in school or studying on their own. With that said, this new co-teacher of mine was a little bit nervous when she came in to visit on Friday. I first sitting at the desk next to me, shaking, confused and on the verge of tears--her first words, following my "Hello, I'm Ben," were: "I have no idea what I am suppose do to!!!" Keep in mind she didn't even have to teach that day, just visit, or so I'm told. In a nutshell, my response was: "I don't know what you're suppose to do, either...but if you need any help let me know!"

Well, she's actually a very nice young lady--albeit a little green on the underside. Imagine how I felt on my first day though...and I didn't/don't even speak Korean. Like it or not, I'm sure she'll quickly conform to the realities of teaching at our school. With that said, her first look was a bit of a shocker. The same day she came in, I probably had both my best class and my worst classes of the year. Of course she sat in on the worst class-kids hitting, throwing, biting....just generally being adolescent idiots with built up sexual repression. The new teacher didn't say much, except "this is NOTHING like my high school, when I asked her about her thoughts. As of the first few days in class, I'm pretty much on my own. Cho Teacher (old teacher) could usually--temporarily--straighten the kids out with a good AYAAA!!! every now and then, while Li Teacher prefers a nice pat on the back and a thoughtful smile. We'll see how far that gets her.

I did have a good time last Friday, heading out with Cho Teacher and a few others from school for a goodbye dinner of sorts. Any Korean dinner/celebration is not complete without soju and beer, and this one did not disappoint. It's always nice to hear some of the teachers true feelings, unmasked by plentiful liquid social lubrication. I was fed "Korean style" by one of the Korean teachers...for which I reciprocated in feeding him (literally, putting a wrap of random things in his mouth) "American style." I think the most memorable part of the evening, though, was the food (shocker, eh?). For the first "session" we were at a Hanu Restaurants (literally, "Korean Cow"). Any beef is expensive in Korea, and domestic beef--the premo--is at the top of the pyramid. More than just the meat though, was how it was served. Half of it was sitting out raw on slabs of wood. It's like eating sashmi in a sushi restaurant, only red and bloody--and delicious. I'm still shocked at how edible raw beef is. I know, I know, maybe not such a good idea with parasites and bacteria and mad cow disease--but Hanu Restaurants are tip top and this beef meets the highest standards. This also helps explain why Koreans were so freaked out by a (imported beef) mad cow disease scare a few years back. Better yet though, I also tried cow stomach. The taste is fine. It tastes like, well, beef. The texture, however, is more like curdled rubber--so I'm not so sure where I stand on that one. To top it off I ate soup with chunks of coagulated cow blood (think finger sized chunks, the real deal). This tasted like...I honestly have no idea. But it wasn't bad, only a bit rubbery like everything else that night.

Anyway, enough of the restaurant review. This is plenty for now; I'll leave you with images of raw stomach and chunky blood. Cheers.

Ring of Fury

I did it. I made it to the first ever South Korean International Grand Prix. Okay, I make that sound far more special than it actually is, but it was a great time to a) watch Formula 1 for the first time and b) only have to travel 10 minutes in traffic from my apartment. The day before the big event I didn't think I was going to be able to go, since I didn't feel like shelling out several hundred for tickets--and some shifty Facebook free ticket scheme (not surprisingly) fell through for 90% of the people involved. On the Facebook note, I get an email three weeks ago (I'm in a Mokpo Facebook group) purporting free tickets for all the foreigners in the area. Granted I would be silly to have faith in something like this, but it turns out I couldn't get the tickets anyway because they required a foreigner ID number at the gates: this is the number that every teacher in Korea has except FBers. You have to have it to do internet banking; to use the internet at Starbucks, hence its probably the only downside of my "diplomatic" visa versus whatever everyone else gets. I guess the U.S. ambassador can't use the internet at Starbucks; that makes me feel a little bit better. Well in the end, they only gave out 1/10 of the tickets they promised, so I would have likely been stranded anyway.

Not to worry though, the week of the race my host Dad got 4 tickets in the mail from some friend and decided I could use a couple of them for the day. Here's to you Pong Kil. Anyway, come race weekend Mokpo was swamped. The track is brand new--only cleared for racing a week ago--so everything, including traffic management, was thrown together like an eskimo luau. No worries though, I got there despite meeting the first dishonest cabbie since coming to Korea. Apparently he thought every foreigner at the race knew nothing of Korea, so he 'forgot' to turn on the meter and tried to charge us thirty for the ride. I said hell no, gave him twenty for the trouble and left...he didn't fight and only gave me this pouty look so I felt satisfied with the haggling.

Alright, to the race. Racing = awesome, everything else = *insert your favorite sad korean emoticon. That didn't spoil the fun though, even if they ran out of food before I got there. That's actually another first, Korea NEVER runs out of food; you never go home hungry--except at Formula 1. Apparently we (Jing and I) had great seats. I would agree; since it was at a switchback and you could actually see the cars for a minute before the blast by at 220 mph. I got to play around with some action shots on the DSLR, always a good time, and proceed to go a little more deaf every time another car flew by. These cars are beasts. Machined and driven to perfection by the best of the best, it's always fun to see the pinnacle of any sporting genre. To be perfectly honest I don't know all that much about the sport; I know a handful of racers and the general history/purpose, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the gleaming mechanical perfection as the cars fly in, brake on a dime, and speed off before you realize you dropped a doozie in your pants. The thing about sitting at one place in any racetrack (probably the same for any racing event) is that you get to the see the same thing, over, and over, and over again. With that said, I didn't fully realize this until long after thoroughly enjoying the spectacle. The flip side is that I never would have paid W660,000 (around $600) to sit in the same place and watch the same thing over and over again. I guess you have to pay to play--but since I didn't pay I have no complaints and only the warmest feelings for Korean Formula 1, even if they ran out of food.

Educational Dancing

I got a couple extra days off this week for the 'School Festival.' At least that's the direct translation of the eventt; I might call it something more like 'High Schoolers doing K-pop dances on stage in front of old people.' In all seriousness though, it was a great time since I didn't have to teach any classes, just sit around, eat food and practice my Korean in the Gyomushil. Though I was a bit surprised to see risque dancing out of high school girls--all in front of adults and various notable personages that apparently have some connection to the school. And by risque I mean 6 girls lined up with matching 1-inch shorts doing body pumps and aerial maneuvers that banish the likes of Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey to Sunday School sock hops. Okay, I might exaggerate a little bit, but some of this just seemed out of place at a daytime high school event--all the more so because it was a demonstration of the 'caliber' of Jungang High School students in front of the said visitors. To top it all off they had an array of treats and students serving food and teas throughout the day. It's always kind of funny when they get all dressed up in the traditional Hanbok to serve you tea and Ddok, and then proceed to spill it everywhere when they're attempting to pour for the first time. I guess I have high standards for pouring though, since I worked in a chemistry lab for 3 years. To top it all off, they were serving Makkoli for W2,000 a pop ($2, standard price) out in front of the auditorium. Not only were teachers sitting around drinking on school property, but all the imbibing was going on during school hours while the kids danced and strutted around on stage. I mean, I'm not really surprised at something like this anymore, but it is enlightening--again and again--to see how different things are between two societies.

Sitting here now on a rainy Sunday afternoon watching Formula 1 on TV...the same Formula 1 that I went to go watch yesterday. I'll give you an update on all that here in the next couple days, I just though I'd mention how equally odd and amusing it is to watch something on TV that you can hear from the window.

The Darker Side

It's been about a week so I guess it's time I update this thing. As for the darker side, I finally managed to get sick on this side of the Earth...aside from the random delights that come with trying new foods and welcoming new bacteria. Fortunately I think it's going to be a quick one. If first came in on Saturday and I'm feeling a lot better as of Monday evening. I don't think I've ever slept quite that much in one day though--let me give a shout out to downloaded episodes of Mad Men for filling in the spare time (for those of you who haven't seen this show, watch it. Now. AMC isn't paying me to say this, but I'm open for offers if the word gets out). Anyway, I guess the random Korean medications I took couldn't have hurt. I mean, I have no idea what some of the stuff was (a bit ashamed since I'm going to medical school next year) but I was too lazy to figure out the translations and just assumed that my host mother wasn't trying to kill me...the verdict on that one comes back if I make it to the next blog post. The sickness couldn't have come at a better time though: I had Friday off for some sort of "testing," I only had to work half a day today and there's a school "festival" tomorrow--for which I should attend--followed by another round of "testing" on Wednesday that I definitely don't have to show up for. Sorry for all the quotation marks, but I use them as much for my own amusement at this point. It's just with testing and festivals and field trips and school 'let's be lazy days,' I'm pretty sure I've ended up with more days off than I actually work--I mean, I'm not complaining or anything, it's just...amusing. As for the festival, I'll try to lug the camera around tomorrow to capture the glory of Korean flag girls and stale dokboggi, even if ol' Jungang High School can't match the opulence of Keith's Jeju boys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpTJISyKGrA&p=FF23A0D80A471DD4&playnext=1&index=9). I expect it will be somewhere on par with the North Korean Mass games (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBWOEdy_-qM). Okay, maybe not. But a boy can dream.

Switching my train of though here...This upcoming weekend is the first Korean Formula one race--situated right here in Mokpo. Okay, not actually Mokpo, but it's like ten minutes away. Supposedly I'm getting free tickets because I'm white, or not Korean, either way you want to look at it. I kind of doubt I'll get the tickets to be honest, but you really never know around here. I can't say being...Western...gets you that many perks, but if definitely puts you in interesting situations. Like walking around this "Health Expo" on Saturday afternoon with my host mom and sister: random Korean women handing me bags of kimchi and taking my picture for who-the-hell-knows what publication. I hope that doesn't come back to haunt me. Most of all though, I can't walk ten feet outside the apartment with random kids saying hello to me. I mean, it sounds innocent enough, but with the snide little smile on their faces and the lack of any interest in engaging in conversation (that, and you've already heard it 3,459 times the previous week) it starts to seem less innocent. Don't get me wrong, I don't get angry or anything. I just stop thinking, "Oh, what a nice kid" and start wondering when the little #$%* can think of something more creative. I'm sure any other ETA reading this knows exactly what I'm talking about, so if you have any suggestions for a good comeback I'm all ears.

Taming the Beast

By beast I actually mean they mischievous high school students that I spend most of my week around, and I might have just found a way to actually control these little hooligans. For the first 6 weeks I did't use any technology in the classroom save for my Ipad on a couple occasions. Now that I have a workable project and a computer with powerpoint, I feel like I actually have something to leverage the bawdy minds of high schoolers. The past couple days I gave a lesson on American food--showing them all sorts of horrendously delicious pictures of hamburgers, steak, chicken, junk food and any other edible tranquilizer I could get my hands on. Besides giving them something that they *might* find interesting, this took the focus me for once...or at least off of listening to me. They're pretty much incapable of understanding complete sentences, let alone forming one on their own, so I think I might have finally hit their level: putting up a big picture of fried bacon on the screen and shouting "bacon" and "delicious" three or four times. Content, of course, cannot be overstated; So I'll have to keep thinking up either delicious or scandalous powerpoint topics as the year goes on. On one hand this actually takes takes a little time to put together. But it also doubles as Korean language class on my end--since I end up learning the corresponding Korean vocabulary after teaching the same class 6 times.

This past weekend was also something of an *event* on the FB agenda, so I guess I better go ahead and mention it. We had the FB 60th anniversary Gala in Seoul at the Silla Hotel. For those of you who don't know anything about the Silla Hotel--and if you're not from Korea then to be honest, you shouldn't--it's pretty much The Hotel. When you're Korean language textbook references it in practice sentences, it must be important...to Koreans citizens at least. Anyway, the whole ordeal was pretty nice, even if I wasn't blown away by the hotel itself. I mean, the place is pretty swank; I have no complaints. But I'm still not going to pay $13 for a beer at the bar when it comes in same bottle as one at the 7-Eleven. Well, once the actual event got going we were bombarded congratulatory readings (by "we" I mean the 500 people in attendance, not just the ETAs but past FBers and affiliates) and speeches about the merits of foreign experience and the history of FB. The food was delicious, multiple courses of scallops, some white fish, and tenderloin...all the more succulent when paired with the endless glass of wine that came with the ordeal. Well, not to be outdone by any of the speakers, the mass of FBers and myself were coerced into singing a song (for which we practice 35,243,098 hours during the convention): a precious little tune (see: sarcasm) only made palatable by the random drunk white guy in the middle of the room--in a sea of Korean bureaucrats and school administrators--fist pumping and screaming "YES! That was AWESOME!" at the end of the song. I don't think Mrs. Shim and the organizers planned for that one, but I was appreciative. And if that didn't make the even worthwhile, he gave me a high five in the bathroom immediately following the performance: "Dude, THANK YOU, you guys are AWESOME!" ***Here's to you random drunk white guy.

Jumping in Puddles

No, I haven't actually been jumping in puddles lately; I just though I'd use that title since I've been so perplexed by the subject of childhood. During dinner my host mom had this interesting thought while the three kids were running around acting like zombies...or retarded llamas, I'm not really sure which: something about how human energy changes over time (she explained it in Korea, but I'm pretty sure I got the gist of it). Kids never stop running around, at least until they fall flat on there faces or fall asleep after a long day. They eat a little sugar and all hell breaks loose; adults think snow is cold yet kids romp and play and till their fingers turn black and snot freezes to their upper lip. Over time this energy changes. Some time during adolescence boys stop romping in the snow and start romping around looking for girls. Play energy turns into sexual energy. As an adult, you start to care about things more. You have to use your head at work, thus all your energy turns cerebral. The last point I found pretty hilarious: old ladies (at least in Korea) never stop talking...so I guess all that cerebral energy turns into talking energy. By the time you're old, decrepit and senile...the energy is gone. To be honest I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, just that's it's an interesting point that I wanted to remember--or at least share with you.

Also on the subject of energy, the kids at school were bouncing off the walls today. I only had three classes, but it might as well have been three rounds wrestling a polar bar in a McDonald's ball pit. Usually about a quarter of the kids are sleeping, half of them are talking and pretending I don't exist while the rest are either sleeping with their eyes open or feigning interest and understanding of what I'm talking about. No so today, they were hitting and kicking (literally), throwing random objects or making strange Himalayan chanting sounds (again, I'm not kidding). One boy actually slapped me on the ass four times. What do I say to that? I'm half impressed that he had the balls to do it and genuinely confused as to why the hell he would want to. I guess it was just...the Friday routine--I haven't actually taught on a Friday in like 3 or 4 weeks, so maybe this isn't so unusual. As much as I belittle my students though, they really aren't that bad, and a few of them I actually like. One wants me to call him 'Rap Gyu.' This kids is actually a pretty good rapper, and actually freestyled a couple times for me in class. Apparently he won some kind of contest and is going to rap during the opening ceremonies of the Korean F1 Races here in the couple weeks. I mean, I'm no hip-hop connoisseur but he sounded pretty good to me.

Oh, and they've also been filming and taking pictures of me at school lately. I got a nice spread in the latest Jungang High School advertisement--"Look, we have an American!" or something like that. Today they were filming me in class and 'kindly' requested (THIS MORNING) that I use a powerpoint. I've never used a powerpoint in the classroom. The one time I tried the power was out in my corner of the building for two weeks, so a no-go there. Fortunately I had that same one on hand and I enjoyed the fifteen minute block in which the students were marginally quieter; during filming, that is. I should invite the film crew back more often; have them just stand in the corner to keep the kids quieter during my lecture.

Conference Call

Apparently every town in Korea has some special bread, history, or sacred mound of dirt...otherwise, why would people live there? Seriously though, any time you mention a particular city in Korea it's like, "Oh, they've got great bread" or "that's the best bibimbap in all of land." Mokpo is known for live octopus (apparently "out of season" right now) and some sort of eel fish. This past weekend I went to the Fall FB conference in Gyeongju, about 5 hours of bus from my neck of the woods. Gyeongju is all about the Silla dynasty tombs (random grassy knolls scattered around the city) and a few temples and castles. It was pretty cool actually, since most other "history" in Korea outside of Seoul consists of kitschy pop memorabilia and funny-looking stones masquerading as a tourist attraction (see: Mokpo Gatbawi park). I've mentioned before that, unlike American joints, Korean restaurants tend to specialize in one thing. The same applies to most of the cities in one way or another--a rejuvenating mud bath, the pear capital of the world, etc, etc. Anyway, Gyeongju's specialty is bread...this sweet little bean past filled concoction of love. I mean, they're good; delicious actually, but I think the town's economy is actually based on these little morsels since 1 out of 3 stores in the town sells nothing but bread. That must be an extremely boring place to work...there's no "what do you want,"no "how do you want that steak cooked".....just "how many."

Alright, enough of that. This past weekend's FB Conference was HIGHLY appreciated. For an event that only consisted of one day (Saturday), I got a four day weekend. That actually rolled into my school's midterm testing dates...turning the whole affair into a 6 day weekend. The conference itself was...OK. If nothing else it was nice to listen to other ETAs' funny stories, schools that have better kids than mine and distaster home stays that make me appreciate this one that much more. I may not have genius kids reading the Times in middle school, but at least my home stay siblings don't hit me and run off crying or crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night. It all evens out in the end...I guess. Well, after sharing stories and not paying attention during large group presentation, half of us hopped on a tour bus to check out the historic sites. Some of the Buddhist shrines and old temples were pretty amazing, but as with most Korean attractions, they were loaded with old ladies and little kids. This only makes me appreciate America that much more. I mean, we have our fair share of paved park trails and giant road-side hot dogs...but in pretty much any national park you can get yourself off the beaten path and live on the wild side for a couple days.

After Geyongju, I headed south to Jinju for the night to hang out with Neill and check out the "Lantern festival"....I guess Jinju must be the lantern capital of South Korea or something.
In all seriousness though, the festival was pretty impressive at night and well worth the trip. During the day we toured an old castle on the river's edge--apparently famous for a Korean geisha that pushed a Japanese general off a cliff in the 16th century. I know it sounds odd, but the whole "famous" thing is just the norm over here. To give you an idea, we get in the cab to head to the castle on Monday, tell the cabbie where to go, and then he's like "Oh, so you know the story of the geisha who"....as if the entire city it defined by this one event.

Well, during the day the festival was little more than a bunch of oversized cartoon characters floating around in the river--anything form dragon floats and Buddhist shrines to giant weightlifters and miniature sports stadiums. At night they've got them all lit up, putting on a pretty good show along side the food stalls and Korean carny' games. Yes, Korean carnies do exist. They have the typical baseball throw and bb gun shoot....mixed in with the 'eel dump' in case you ever forgot you were in Korea. In that last one, you just grab an eel out of a jar and dump it in a big trough with little rooms--whichever room it goes in you get the prize with the same number...plenty of room for interpretation there. The festival goes on all week, so anyone who's reading this over here and has the time to check it out, I highly recommend it. Over and out.

Full on Rubdown

That was the best haircut I think I've ever had. In case you were wondering, $7 dollars in Korea gets you an scintillating haircut, a deceivingly erotic head massage and a free bottle of "freezing" shampoo. The head massage I didn't see coming...which made it all the more exciting. Well, aside from my deep satisfaction and this newfound love of Korean hairstylists, life in Mokpo is in a flux. The fall breeze is rolling in, whipping up that cold chill that'll bring about the cornucopia of colorful leaves in a few weeks. I don't necessarily have any heartfelt longing for America right now, but I guess it's this time of year that I start to feel a bit nostalgic for Autumn in Ohio. I mean, the winters suck, the summer is hot and humid--but the other two seasons, however long or short, never fail satisfy the craving for elementary perfection. I guess it didn't hurt that I went to "One fo the Prettiest Colleges in the World" according to some.

Over on this side of the earth, though, I think Chuseok must have been some definitive turning point in the year--whether openly acknowledged or not. It's like all of a sudden everyone started wearing long sleeves and pretending its cold outside. I was also wondering why the gym was so crowded on Monday and Tuesday--and one of my co-teachers enlightened me by explaining how much everyone eats over the holidays, then proceeds to the gym for two to three days after they start to feel fat. It may come a little bit earlier than back home, with or without the 'resolution' part, but I guess we're alike than more ways than I could have imagined.

For lack of any midweek excitement, I thought I'd also mention how ridiculously fast everyone eats in Korea. I really don't want to generalize here, but it's not just my homestay family, or every single teacher and student at school, or when I go to the restaurants...OK, you get the point. I'm just amazed at how whenever I eat it's like a race to stuff it all down and then pass into a food coma. The school lunch room goes from zero to 300mph then back to zero again in about 10 minutes. Usually I just watch and giggle to myself--but sometimes it's a matter of life and death. I mean, there's only so many quail eggs on the homestay table...which seem to be a hot commodity for whatever reason I cannot figure out. My little brother covets them like they're the only golden tickets to Willy Wonka pleasure-ville, so if I'm gonna get some protein I better bring the battle ax to the table and prepare for a pissing match. No, it's not actually that bad, but primal instincts do flair up every now and then.

I'll leave it at that, and then go pass into haircut-pleasure coma for the rest of the evening.

Jeju Love

We get a fairly generous paycheck from our schools every month—to be honest though, if I set my heart on it I could survive here without spending a dime. As per the home stay, we get “free” housing and meals every day. Thus I only ever need to spend money if I want to go out eating, drinking, or best of all—traveling. This is where Mokpo becomes exactly what I was looking for. Sure, it’s probably the farthest I could be away from Seoul, but it’s also the shortest and cheapest trip possible down to Jeju Island. On that note, let me just throw out another wonderful perk provided by the FB program: you go to orientation, get to know a load of other people your age, and then suddenly scatter all across the country. What this means is that you have people to see and reasons to travel to various locations all around Korea; Jeju is no exception.

The Mokpo-Jeju ferry takes anywhere between 4-5 hours depending on the wave conditions. That means I spend the first 2 hours running around the top of the boat, checking out the beautiful island scenery and then the final hours wondering where the hell Jeju is and why the boat has to keep rocking back and forth. Well, any potential hard feelings were quickly wiped away once I reached the island—had a glorious burrito at ‘Zapatos’ (Jeju has a nice, trendy, expat scene and hence a of number of excellent restaurants in the downtown area) and relaxed with a few brews and a smile at one of the nearby beaches. Damn, the beach is always nice.

There are 5 of us ETAs in Mokpo, all of whom came down on this trip to meet something like 9 or 10 scattered around the island (when I say scattered, the Island really isn’t that big—despite slow speeds you can drive…or scooter…across it in about an hour). Furthermore, Jeju isn’t exactly Hawaii, but it might as be since all I got was sunshine and a sea breeze for all three days. The first night there was also spectacular—as Dave took us out to the Factory (some sort of Andy Warhol retro hole in the wall) and introduced me to one of Heaven’s gifts known as Amaretto Beer. Then we capped the night off at a few random Korean joints with some wonderfully cute Korean girls that Beilin brought out via her host family. I’ll gloss over some of the details at this point, just let it be known that I got a pretty late start the next day.

That was not, however, for nothing—as we spent the next afternoon back on the beach taking in more sun and sporting around the ocean on sea kayaks. I’d forgotten how much fun kayaking can be, let alone on the open ocean. With the wind blowing and a hefty waves here and there—catch one just right and you can ‘sail’ for quite a ways or else find yourself diving head first into the ocean. These were open kayaks, of course, and the beach was all sand—so no death defying experiences just yet...those were saved for the next day when we rented scooters.

In a nutshell, Korea hasn’t embarked on this utterly confused safety culture that America seems to savor. Let me give you an example: you head to the scooter shop and, in broken English of course, they ask you “do you know how to drive a scooter?” “No,” you respond. “All right, here’s the keys.” Fifteen bucks, no signature, and a short lesson on how to turn the thing on—you’ve got yourself two wheels of insanity for the day. I mean, you can also rent cars and golf carts—but who doesn’t like the feeling of 100cc between your legs and a sea breeze through your hair? Dave by the way should be dead, or the bus should have a head-size dent in it—I don’t know which—but it was still fun as hell. Well, as of this writing I’m still alive and crawling my way through the washing machine known as the Jeju-Mokpo ferry. Next goal: rent scooters and drive across Korea; it can be done.

Rockin' the Chuseok

Everyone looks forward to American holidays: the time off, the tasty food, maybe a bit of family mixed in. Year in and year out I’m pleasantly refreshed by the beginning of January and ready to take on the new year. Naturally then it’s a pleasant surprise to spend time with a new family and get to know another set of holidays. This past week was Chuseok, one of two major holiday periods in Korea—I’m not sure what the other one is yet, but I’ll report back on that as soon as it rolls around. The Gods of Chuseok must have been looking out for me though when they scheduled it on a Tuesday-Thursday; meaning why bother go to work on a Friday? I.e. we get a 6 day weekend, time to eat, time to relax, and time to travel.

Apparently the first day of Chuseok is a cooking day, hence that’s exactly what the host family did. My pseudo-father over here is the eldest brother of the family, which means that all the festivities go down at our apartment. Tuesday morning rolls around and my host mom is frying, grilling, rolling her way to perfection alongside grandma and a few other relatives. Needless to say there’s a prescribed list of food to cook—kind of like a Thanksgiving turkey, green bean casserole, etc except that everyone in the country cooks pretty much the same thing. This includes an assortment of fruits, fried vegetables, raw and supposedly cooked poultry, beef, and pork, rice and a thousand different kimchi.

I’m pretty sure my host parents were up till at least 12pm cooking, but that’s nothing when you consider they got up at 4 pm to start cooking again and get things ready for the big hurrah. The big hurrah, of course, is when I get to whip out my brand spankin’ new Hanbok—i.e. the traditional Korean outfit that I mentioned in the last. I’m pretty sure I could never find one of these in the stores that would fit me, but old Jungang High School decided to throw down and have one tailored to fit me…so who am I to complain? I will wear it with pride. I mean, even in Korean people nowadays wear it at most twice a year (for each of the two holiday)—I’m sure I could make it work at least for Halloween parties and whatever random Korean ballroom galas I go to back home (wait, what?). In any case, I wore the getup a few hours Wednesday morning when the family bowed down in front of the food laid out on a bunch of tiny wooden platters. There are, apparently, two rounds of bowing, followed by some waiting, and then we finished with a quick round of eating. I’m actually a little surprised that we didn’t eat most of the food that was laid out—but I guess that was for the ancestors, not us. Damn, what was I thinking.

Considering how much time they spent cooking, the thirty-minute or so bowing and eating part was actually a bit anticlimactic. Regardless though, we spent the rest of the day running all around the province, bowing in front of the ancestral gravesites and visiting relatives that I’m pretty sure my host family only sees one day a year. By that I mean I saround for most of the day, get in a few words of garbled conversation here and there with various country folk and eat whatever sort of sumptuous sustenance they put in front of me. By the end of it all, I’m ready for my trip to Jeju Island.

To Routine or Not to Routine

One of the biggest dilemmas I've had in Korea has been developing a routine--wake up, go to work, teach some classes.....Having some semblance of "normal" makes living in a foreign country that much easier. But while I'm eagerly searching for that daily comfort zone affordedby such a routine, part of me wants to keep shaking things up; keep steppingoutside that comfort zone, try new things and bend my mind a little bit more. I don't mean just trying new foods and so forth, that seems to come with living in Korea whether I like it or not--the question is whether I settle into something I'm "used to" or instead keep bombarding myself with uncomfortable situations and newexperiences. It's a struggle, because now that I'm teaching almost every day and getting to know the homestay family, I actuallyhave the option to lay back, kick my feet up and coast through the year. The flip side is the dirt path, scenic route to the well-trodden highway of comfort. The dirt path is harder but the rewards are always greater. If I've learned one or two things in this regard--it's that I'm always comfortable with the easy route but happier, though often physically and emotionally exhausted, with the scenic route. That, and I've found the tried and true method of always finding the scenic route: "Yes." By that I mean, the answer is always yes. Yes I'll take that drink. Do you want to come to X this weekend? Yes. I can't read this menu, but do you want to try this one? Yes, Yes I do.

I've posted a few pictures on here from the Seoul trip last weekend, including the lovely trip to watch FC Seoul crush Daegu. This week in Mokpo hasn't been particularly exciting, although I did get Thursday off and get a welcomed 6 day weekend next week...I don't know whether I should say a 6 day weekend or a 1 day work week, either way it might as well be 9 days off because going to work for 6 hours in one week is more like the "exciting" part of a 9 days of mandatory vacation. In any case, the break is for the Korean Thanksgiving: Chuseok. I'll be spending the first couple days with the (extended) homestay family--for which thoroughly expect excellent cooking, drunk relatives, and strangely colored traditional clothing. I'm actually pretty confident on that last one because, well, I'll be wearing some myself. For whatever generous and culturally magnanimous reason, the school decided to drop a dime and buy me a traditional Korean Hanbok. I don't have any pictures of it just yet, but you can Google "hanbok" and get a pretty good idea what I'm talking about. These suits aren't cheap, either, but I think the school had some special relationship with whatever seamstress I went to to have my measurements taken. I'll have to ask the FB office if I can wear the suit to the black tie 60th Anniversary Gala...I mean, it is a formal suit and all, but I don't know how that would go over.

On one last note, I think I had the first (or maybe 2nd, I honestly don't remember) dish that I

flat out didn't enjoy: sea squirt bimbimbap.

On one hand this dish really did not hit the spot, leaving me with the queazy feeling for a couple hours, but to be honest it wasn't that much of a disappointment. While borderline awful, if I hadn't eaten it I would never know what raw sea squirt tastes like--though I think it was actually the strange sauce that made the dish so unappealing. so that's an accomplishment in itself. Though maybe I'm just happy that I finally found something here that I don't like to eat. Oh yea, I also forgot to mention that my host dad brought home a whole pig head home the other day, then proceeded to hack away at it on the kitchen table. Out of shear curiosity I decided to sit there and watch him for a few minutes. He really had no idea what he was doing...but that didn't stop us from eating random chunks of pig head (ear, tongue....) for breakfast and dinner the next few days. Funny how I almost forgot about this, I guess that comes with the territory these days.